sol.ace_r

Pretense isn’t as grand as people think.
It’s not acting, and it doesn’t come from having a dark heart.

It’s just saying “I’m fine” when someone asks if you’re okay.
That’s really all it is.
Most days, I’m actually not fine, but I can’t explain that every time.
Once I start explaining, the story gets long and my face gets complicated.

So I smile.
Smiling is the fastest option.
It makes the other person comfortable, and for that moment, I’m less tired too.

Pretense sticks like a habit.
Just get through today, not now, not in this mood.
When those pile up, it quietly becomes the default.

The problem is, I stop knowing when to take it off.
I keep missing the timing to be honest.

Sometimes, when I get home and no one is watching, my face finally relaxes.
Only then do I realize, belatedly,
“Ah, today was actually hard.”

I wasn’t trying to deceive anyone, but in the end, I deceived myself the most.

Even so, I can’t take it off completely.

So today as well, I wear just as much as I need.
Not too thick, not too thin.

Pretense.
It doesn’t disappear, but now I know when to put it on and when to take it off.